3D - dumb, dreary and dreadful

So there is an annoying “phenomenon” happening in movie theatres around the world. No, no, not another Justin Bieber movie. Sorry, I know I shouldn't joke about that. I will pause a minute so that you can all compose yourselves..... Okay, lets continue. What I was actually speaking about is this unfortunate wave of 3D movies that we are all being subjected to. It seems like a go to move for production companies these days is to slap some cheesy 3D effects onto an otherwise forgettable movie. Are we supposed to be entertained by a movie with a plot that goes nowhere, and actors with no talent, just because its in 3D? I mean really, they already tried this 3D crap back in the 80's and we thought that it thankfully had died out. Well apparently it was just on life support, because it has been resuscitated by today's creatively bankrupt Hollywood. It was bad enough when they started recycling a bunch of 80s movies that were awful in the first place, or making sequels to legendary movie franchises that should have been left untouched. This 3D fad is basically an admittance that Hollywood has next to nothing left to offer. I say next to nothing, because the occasional good film manages to make its way out of an otherwise god awful pile of garbage. Movies like Super 8 or Bridesmaids, give us some hope that maybe all is not lost for movie lovers. They both had good storylines, great acting, and ZERO 3D!

Besides the fact that silly 3D effects add nothing to the actual film itself, other than provide a distraction from the fact that the movie itself is horrible, there are a number of reasons this literal eye sore needs to go back where it came from. First off, anybody with vision impairments or people that wear glasses have to wait up to a month for their favourite movies to be re-released in 2D form, because the physically cannot watch a 3D movie. Secondly, who on earth wants to wear some annoying pair of 3D glasses that the sweaty dude with the hygiene problem was wearing, just minutes before you stuck them on your face. You don't actually think they clean those things, do you? And don't even get me started on what happens when you get popcorn butter on the lenses, while you are trying to adjust your uncomfortable one-size-fits-nobody glasses.

Personally, I wish that Hollywood would forget about 3D movies and get back to making movies with great stories. I know it might be hard to remember what a story is, after being bombarded with a collection of terrible Transformers and Saw sequels, and basically Nic Cage's last 15 years of crap. Try to think of films like The Shawshank Redemption or more recently Kick-Ass, and you are reminded of what a movie could be, free from the useless gimmicks they use to sell movies as of late. Perhaps there are ebbs and flows of creativity, and we are just in a painfully long drought, or maybe we will just have to fight through countless bad movies to find the occasional gem. One thing I'm sure of is that 3D movies will definitely not go on forever. Either Hollywood finally wakes up and realizes that actual movie goers think 3D blows, and will put an end to this madness, or the next Twilight abortion that gets released will be in 3D, combining two of the most unfortunate things to happen to cinema in the last 25 years, and the Earth will simply cease to exist. Whichever comes first.

I been patiently waitin........

So exams have been done for almost 2 months now, and I have yet to receive my grades. This is a problem that many of the students at Uni are suffering through right now. I've been sitting in front of my laptop for the last month, constantly checking online, hoping against hope that there might be a new grade or two posted. I keep thinking, "today has got to be the day" or "there's no way they are going to keep us waiting any longer", but it seems like the Uni staff are oblivious to the fact that we are all pulling our hair out waiting for these results. Either that or they are cruel hearted bastards who enjoy watching us suffer, as part of some sort of sick social experiment. Or maybe both......I'm leaning towards both. I've waited patiently for the last few weeks. Convinced myself that the grades would show up any day now. I've even given them the benefit of the doubt that there is a crazy backlog that they are trying to work through. However we are now nearly halfway through second semester and I have yet to receive all my grades. This is getting to be a bit too much now. Its now time to strike back....
In honour of this sad display, I have decided to list some things that are faster than the staff at the University of Malta. Enjoy!

5) A three toed sloth - Famously slow-moving, the sloth travels at a top speed of 0.24 kilometres per hour. This little guy is about as useful in a race as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Wait.....scratch that. Nevertheless, this loveable little critter still manages to move faster than the University of Malta staff.




4) The line at the bank - "This guy in front of me smells funny", "Is that lady on her bluetooth, or just crazy?", "That creepy guy is staring at me again"..... The lines at the bank still move faster than the staff at the University of Malta.

3) Internet Explorer - The world's least favourite browser, king of the slowest loading speeds on the web, and the punchline to every IT guy's jokes. Remarkably this abomination is still faster than the University of Malta staff.

2) The clock at work/school after lunch - Ever got the feeling that time has stopped? Do you swear to yourself that you just saw that minute hand moving backwards? Have you convinced yourself that eating that sandwich must have torn a hole in the space time continuum? Time somehow seems to draaaaaaag in the afternoons, unless you have to go back to class. Somehow the after lunch clock still moves faster than the staff at UoM.

1) Tectonic plates - The movement of tectonic plates varies, though it is typically 0–100 mm annually. That's slower than two snails, racing on the back of a tortoise, while riding shotgun with a 90 year old man, who is driving 10km/h in the fast lane. Shockingly tectonic plates still manage to be faster than the staff at the University of Malta.


I think i speak for everyone who is still awaiting their grades when I say, GET YOUR ASSES IN GEAR PLEASE!!!! What? I said please.......

Do you remember....?

Wow....so its been a while, eh? As I dust the cobwebs off this blog, I'd like to apologize for the lack of posts lately. Its been a crazy last month or so trying to cram for exams and finishing off assignments, so lets just say my brain was going through a bit of a meltdown. Not exactly the right state of mind to try to write about something....not coherently anyways. Then again, nobody ever accused me of being articulate. Now after some time unwinding, I'm finally back to rant and rave about all the things I've been keeping bottled up inside me the last little while. But enough about that, lets get right into it.

I came across a picture recently (left) that I thought was pretty cool so I posted it on my Facebook page. The picture was from The Beatles' appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. This sparked some lively conversation among the 'older' crowd on my friends list. Basically reminiscing about the past. It was a 'where were you when...' moment. The kind of thing that stays with you forever. This got me to thinking. Who in our current entertainment culture, holds as much weight these days as The Beatles or James Dean did in their days? After debating it for a while, I realized that there is nobody today that has as much of an impact on us as the stars of the past did on previous generations. There are a few reasons that I think are to blame. The first is the over commercialization of celebrities these days. All singers, save a few exceptions, are basically just manufactured, cookie cutter artists. They look the same, they sound the same, and are basically interchangeable. I mean would anyone notice if they took Lady Gaga out of one of her videos, and swapped in, lets say, Britney Spears? I say no. Another problem is that in this up-to-the-second day and age of Youtube and Twitter, we are in such a rush to crown everyone 'The Next Big Thing" that nobody has to prove themselves anymore. Come out with one half decent song, or star in some crappy movie that happens to pander to the masses, and the next thing you know the media is crowning this person as the best ever. It happens in music, movies and sports. Nobody wants to pay their dues anymore. Everyone wants to become overnight celebrities.

Somebody told me a story once of the day Elvis died. Apparently when it was discovered that he had passed away, radio stations around America cut into their programming and announced the phrase "The King is dead", or some variation. Only those words, but everyone knew immediately what it meant. People were heartbroken as if a member of their family had just died. I started thinking, and was hard pressed to come up with anyone nowadays that would illicit such a response. I mean do you seriously think that if Justin Bieber, who ridiculously compared himself to The Beatles, were to bite the big one tomorrow, anyone would even care? Besides a few million preteen girls that is. I doubt it. More than likely the next pop star, direct from the factory, would just step in and take his place without missing a beat. No pun intended.

Personally I hope things turn around in my lifetime and we start to see the return of the life altering, trail blazing superstar. I'd like to look back in 30 years and be able to tell my kids about the time that 'so and so' changed my life. I want my 'where were you when...' moment too. I mean God forbid all I have to tell my future children about is this.

What's your sign?

So everyone has been in a tizzy these last few days at the news that the Zodiac sign they have followed all their lives might not be right. Apparently a story hit the interwebs that a mysterious 13th sign that was tossed out back in the day, like a trouble making drunk, had shifted everyone's sign over one. Suddenly Virgos were Libras, Capricorns were Aquariuseses, and the world was about to spin of its axis! If my astrological sign is not what I thought it was, how could my horoscope have ever come true?!?! I mean these things are very specific, its not everyone that will "experience new challenges" or "find things overwhelming" today. If I have been reading the wrong horoscope everyday, imagine how many "interesting new people" I missed out on meeting.

Fear not, however, as it appears our fears my have been for not. As it turns out this miscalculations of our Zodiac signs is not new at all, and can be explained by the rotation of the Earth, or the Sun's rays, or something. I don't know....you can read it here though. So everyone can relax. Your still a Leo, Sagittarius, or whatever it is you have been all your life. Keep on reading those horoscopes and dreaming of what the future holds. Who knows, one of them might actually come true one day. Now that this is all settled, can we all go back to worrying about the impending apocalypse? I've got a bomb shelter I have to finish building. 2012 will be here before we know it....

My Epic Fail.....

So.....I learned a few things after watching my last blog entry go down in flames.  First thing I learned is that the majority of people don't give a good god damn about sports. Second thing I learned is that those who do would rather get their sports analysis from sites like ESPN and not some random blogging sports junkie. To be honest I am the same way, so I can't blame anyone for not reading my NFL post. The thing is I am a sports junkie and hopefully one day I will be writing about sports for a living. So my plan for this blog was to work on my skills on sports writing and throw in a few other random posts to try and get some laughs along the way. I was convinced that everyone would read my blog and somehow it would work its way to someone over at ESPN or something and I would be the next big sports writer on the web and TV and stuff. Crazy I know but it was my dream...well it still is my dream, but my plans for this blog have changed. A wise person told me recently that people want to read about your thoughts and feelings, more than some random sports post. They want emotion and reality and even a little craziness. Its human psychology. So what I'm going to do with this now is write more about my thoughts and feelings about things, and rant on some stuff that's bothering me every now and again. And even though I've been told by a certain someone that I'm not very funny, I'm gonna try and make you laugh a little along the way. I am still, and always will be a sports fan at heart though, so there is still going to be a little sports thrown into my posts, but its going to be mostly about everyday life and people. But that's enough seriousness for now, so for no apparent reason, here is a silly looking duck.....


There are a few things I want to talk about besides the soul searching I've been doing.

So New Year's Eve has come and gone. For us University students that means that exams are around the corner and its time to break the seal on those books. You know....the ones you bought a few months ago and have been using as a door stop ever since. But I have noticed an interesting phenomena taking place in classrooms and lecture halls around Uni. It appears as though students have been magically multiplying. How else would you explain that lectures have seemed a lot more crowded lately? Actually its all the people that disappeared somewhere around week 2. I guess they all realized that its time to get their shit together if they want any hope of passing. Now I could really care less about the attendance habits or random students, because truth be told, I used to be one of those kids who never showed up to class and hoped it would all work out at exam time. The one thing that i can't stand is all the stupid questions they are asking now, while they try to make up for lost time. I mean seriously, do I need to hear you trying to pry out any little piece of info you can, in some desperate attempt to get a passing grade?!?!  Can't you all just go back to sleeping in the back of the class, while the rest of us actually try to learn something?

Its bad enough we had to put up with all the regular, mind numbing stupid questions, and constant talking amongst yourselves. I mean who hasn't fought the urge to jam a pen into the neck of the chatty girl sitting in front of you. What...? Nobody...? OK, maybe that last one was just me. But seriously, why can't it be like the good old days and people just failed with dignity? Kids these days...tsk tsk. But i digress. This post has gone on faaaar to long, so I'll wrap it up here. Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll find something else to rant about soon.  For now I'll leave you with this.....

Things I Think I Thought (NFL Edition)

So another NFL regular season has come to a close and now we can look forward to some very interesting match ups as the playoffs draw near. But before we do that, here are some things I've been thinking about that happened this season.

The T.Ocho show in Cincy proved once again that team chemistry is important. Even though Owens and Ochocinco were respectively the 8th and 11th ranked receivers in the AFC, that didn't translate into wins for the 4-12 Bengals. At the very least, the Owens/Ochocinco debacle gave us memorable moments like this.

Following in the footsteps of Kurt Warner last year, grizzled veteran Brett Favre says this season will be his last. And we all believe him right......? Putting aside his flip flopping from off seasons passed, lets hope that he really means it this time. We have seen Favre come back from injury after injury over the years, but after seeing him get his brain scrambled against the Bears, I really hope he keeps his word and hangs it up. It would be nice to see him be able to walk to the podium for his Hall of Fame speech, not get pushed to it in a wheelchair.

For those who said that Special Teams aren't important, please note that the San Diego Chargers had the 1st ranked offense and the 1st ranked defense and still failed to make the playoffs. Could be because Football Outsiders had their Special Teams ranked dead last in the league.

For those who think divisional records are important, please note that the Oakland Raiders went 6-0 in the AFC West this season and still failed to make the playoffs. Could be because they went 2-8 against the rest of the league.

And finally, for those who think you have to have a winning record to make the playoffs in the NFL....ladies and gentleman, the 2010 Seattle Seahawks! Disgustingly enough, Seattle won the NFC Worst West with a 7-9 record. Some people would compare it to the NBA, where the 8th and sometime 7th seed in the East regularly has a losing record. The only difference is that the 7th and 8th seeds in the NBA don't host HOME PLAYOFF GAMES!!!! And in one of the last sports where home field actually matters, this could mean the difference between a win or a loss.

Now here are my picks for the 1st round of the playoffs.

New York Jets at Indianapolis (-2 1/2)  -  The Jets were knocked out of last years playoffs by these very same Colts. And seeing as you never bet against Peyton Manning at night, at home, I'm taking the Colts in this one. Not to mention he is sure to be fired up about this. Oops...I meant this.

New Orleans (-10 1/2) at Seattle - Given the wackiness of the playoffs, couldn't you just see the Seahawks pulling off the upset? I mean nobody thinks they deserve to be there in the first place, and nobody is giving them much of a chance to win. And considering the game is at Qwest Field, in front of the "12th Man", Seattle might just manage to sneak this one out. Saying all that....I'm taking the Saints.

Green Bay at Philadelphia (-2 1/2) - The Eagles were one of the most exciting teams to watch this year once Michael Vick took over as the starting QB. But it looks like after sitting out almost 2 plus years, the grind of a full NFL season is taking its toll on PETA's most wanted. He started to struggle in the last few weeks of the season, and couldn't produce magic like he was earlier in the season. Hopefully resting him in Week 17 will get him back to the form he had from earlier in the season, because he is undoubtedly the most exciting player to watch by far. On the other hand, there is no chance in hell Overlord Goodell wants Vick to become the story of the playoffs. Green Bay moves on.

Baltimore (-2 1/2) at Kansas City - I really don't have any thoughts on this game. So I'll just leave you with this. Ravens win.


Random Other Stuff....

I think we can officially say Blake Griffin is the most exciting player in the NBA. Keep in mind he is a rookie and all those highlights are from the first few months of THIS SEASON!

Wednesday is the gold medal game between Canada and Russia. If the junior canucks can pull this one out (and we all know they will), its just more proof that we are the 1st nation of hockey. 


With the sad performance of the Leafs and Raptors, its a sad time to be a Toronto sports fan. Granted the Raptors just lost Bosh, but is there one player on either team that you enjoy rooting for, or that scared opposing teams? I'd say no. Looks like our hopes rest with the Jays. At least it seems like they are a well run organization with hope for the future. More than can be said for the other T.O. teams right now.


Just one last thing. I'm really grateful for all those who have been reading my blog...but I'd love to know what you all think. Please leave any comments you might have (good or bad) on here or my Facebook or Twitter.

Top 10 of 2010

Because another year is coming to a close and because everyone loves lists, here's my top 10 of 2010.

10) George Steinbrenner dies. The leader of the Evil Empire (that's the New York Yankees for non sports fans) passed away in 2010. Apparently Satan decided it was time to come collect his soul. I jest of course as I was taught never to speak ill of the dead. Seriously though, "The Boss" had a major impact on sports and is probably one of the major reasons sports has gone from a recreation to a business. Steinbrenner purchased the Yankees for about $10 million in 1973 and at the time of his death the value is somewhere in the billions. For better or worse, George Steinbrenner was one of the most influential people in sports, and business history.


9) North Korea Shells South Korea. In fairness this probably deserves to be higher on the list, but as it was pretty recent we are not sure exactly how this will play out yet. Can it be resolve peacefully? Will it lead to war? Will North Korea just be the next country the United States turns into a crater? These events will just have to play out in 2011.

 8) Tiger Woods' apology. Surely we all know the story of Tiger's misdeeds, so no point rehashing them here. His personal life drama led to this bizarre press conference apology. It sort of reminded me of a cheesy 80s wrestling promo...strange blue curtain, low budget stage and poor camera quality. It has been parodied everywhere from South Park, to SNL, to Youtube. Though it seems that the drama is finally over and Tiger is getting back to what he does best, sex with strange women golfing. Here's hoping he gets back to his dominant form when he actually made golf exciting.

7) Technology. 2010 saw the release of some pretty cool toys. The Ipad and Iphone 4 showed how touch screen technology can be fun. Xbox Kinect may have changed gaming forever (though I'm not sure of gaming without controllers....) for better or worse. In fact, talk of the Ipad 2 has already started. Looking back to just 10 years ago, tech has come light years in such a short time. Personally I can't wait to see what's next.

 6) Sports. This year saw some sports droughts come to an end and some deserving first timers get crowned. For the first timers, long time underachievers Spain, finally managed to win the World Cup on the back of their 2008 Euro win. It looks like La Roja is finally ready to step up as a European powerhouse along with Italy and Germany. The New Orleans Saints also managed to end their decades of futility by winning the Super Bowl. Just 5 years after Hurricane Katrina devastated the city and forced the Saints to play their entire 2005 season on the road, they managed to win their first title and rejuvenate a fan base and city. The San Francisco Giants and the Chicago Blackhawks each also ended near 50 year championship droughts, the Giants winning their first World Series since moving to San Fran from New York in 1954. The Blackhawks' Stanley Cup win puts an end to their drought and now puts the Maple Leafs (thanks for that...), the Kings and the Blues on watch as the longest without a Stanley Cup win. 

5) Eyjafjallajökull (what?!??!!!?) eruption. The volcanic eruption in Iceland was something I will never forget. First off i found out that there are volcanoes in Iceland (who knew?) and also learned of the destructive power of volcanoes beyond the obvious. That's right, I'm talking about the resulting ash cloud that shut down all European air travel for days. This was one of the biggest flight groundings since 9/11 and cost the airline industry an estimated US$200 million a day during the disruption.

 4) Canada 3 - United States 2 (OT). Come on....you honestly thought that I wouldn't have this on the list? Canada's hockey gold medal in the 2010 Winter Olympics, along with gold in 2002, solidified them as the first nation of hockey. Throw in the fact that Canada won the most gold medals overall in 2010, and it can be argued that they are right now the most dominant winter sports country. But maybe I'm biased....hehe. This was also their first win on home soil, and the first host country to win since the United States 1980 gold in Lake Placid. Not a bad start to the year at all.

3) Haiti earthquake. The devastating magnitude 7.0 earthquake caused widespread damage and even resulted in a small tsunami shortly after. The earthquake dominated the headlines for days and appeals for charity came in from everyone from the president, René Préval, (thank you, Google), to everyones favorite Haitian, Wyclef Jean.

2) BP oil spill. In 2010, we witnessed one of the biggest oil spills in history. This environmental disaster will have an impact for years to come, after the spill took a shocking 3 months to cap. Fear not, however, because Kevin Costner came along to save the day. Don't worry, its not a script for Waterworld 2. Although, that would be outstanding.....

And the number one moment of 2010 is............

 1) The Chilean Miners rescue. Millions watched around the world as the 33 trapped miners were rescued. It gave us some of the greatest photos and video of 2010, as well as a saga that lasted over 2 months. We cried and felt relief as the miners were brought up one by one to be reunited with their wives and mistresses. Now we sit back and wait for this ordeal to be transformed into the blockbuster movie of 2011.