3D - dumb, dreary and dreadful

So there is an annoying “phenomenon” happening in movie theatres around the world. No, no, not another Justin Bieber movie. Sorry, I know I shouldn't joke about that. I will pause a minute so that you can all compose yourselves..... Okay, lets continue. What I was actually speaking about is this unfortunate wave of 3D movies that we are all being subjected to. It seems like a go to move for production companies these days is to slap some cheesy 3D effects onto an otherwise forgettable movie. Are we supposed to be entertained by a movie with a plot that goes nowhere, and actors with no talent, just because its in 3D? I mean really, they already tried this 3D crap back in the 80's and we thought that it thankfully had died out. Well apparently it was just on life support, because it has been resuscitated by today's creatively bankrupt Hollywood. It was bad enough when they started recycling a bunch of 80s movies that were awful in the first place, or making sequels to legendary movie franchises that should have been left untouched. This 3D fad is basically an admittance that Hollywood has next to nothing left to offer. I say next to nothing, because the occasional good film manages to make its way out of an otherwise god awful pile of garbage. Movies like Super 8 or Bridesmaids, give us some hope that maybe all is not lost for movie lovers. They both had good storylines, great acting, and ZERO 3D!

Besides the fact that silly 3D effects add nothing to the actual film itself, other than provide a distraction from the fact that the movie itself is horrible, there are a number of reasons this literal eye sore needs to go back where it came from. First off, anybody with vision impairments or people that wear glasses have to wait up to a month for their favourite movies to be re-released in 2D form, because the physically cannot watch a 3D movie. Secondly, who on earth wants to wear some annoying pair of 3D glasses that the sweaty dude with the hygiene problem was wearing, just minutes before you stuck them on your face. You don't actually think they clean those things, do you? And don't even get me started on what happens when you get popcorn butter on the lenses, while you are trying to adjust your uncomfortable one-size-fits-nobody glasses.

Personally, I wish that Hollywood would forget about 3D movies and get back to making movies with great stories. I know it might be hard to remember what a story is, after being bombarded with a collection of terrible Transformers and Saw sequels, and basically Nic Cage's last 15 years of crap. Try to think of films like The Shawshank Redemption or more recently Kick-Ass, and you are reminded of what a movie could be, free from the useless gimmicks they use to sell movies as of late. Perhaps there are ebbs and flows of creativity, and we are just in a painfully long drought, or maybe we will just have to fight through countless bad movies to find the occasional gem. One thing I'm sure of is that 3D movies will definitely not go on forever. Either Hollywood finally wakes up and realizes that actual movie goers think 3D blows, and will put an end to this madness, or the next Twilight abortion that gets released will be in 3D, combining two of the most unfortunate things to happen to cinema in the last 25 years, and the Earth will simply cease to exist. Whichever comes first.