I been patiently waitin........

So exams have been done for almost 2 months now, and I have yet to receive my grades. This is a problem that many of the students at Uni are suffering through right now. I've been sitting in front of my laptop for the last month, constantly checking online, hoping against hope that there might be a new grade or two posted. I keep thinking, "today has got to be the day" or "there's no way they are going to keep us waiting any longer", but it seems like the Uni staff are oblivious to the fact that we are all pulling our hair out waiting for these results. Either that or they are cruel hearted bastards who enjoy watching us suffer, as part of some sort of sick social experiment. Or maybe both......I'm leaning towards both. I've waited patiently for the last few weeks. Convinced myself that the grades would show up any day now. I've even given them the benefit of the doubt that there is a crazy backlog that they are trying to work through. However we are now nearly halfway through second semester and I have yet to receive all my grades. This is getting to be a bit too much now. Its now time to strike back....
In honour of this sad display, I have decided to list some things that are faster than the staff at the University of Malta. Enjoy!

5) A three toed sloth - Famously slow-moving, the sloth travels at a top speed of 0.24 kilometres per hour. This little guy is about as useful in a race as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Wait.....scratch that. Nevertheless, this loveable little critter still manages to move faster than the University of Malta staff.




4) The line at the bank - "This guy in front of me smells funny", "Is that lady on her bluetooth, or just crazy?", "That creepy guy is staring at me again"..... The lines at the bank still move faster than the staff at the University of Malta.

3) Internet Explorer - The world's least favourite browser, king of the slowest loading speeds on the web, and the punchline to every IT guy's jokes. Remarkably this abomination is still faster than the University of Malta staff.

2) The clock at work/school after lunch - Ever got the feeling that time has stopped? Do you swear to yourself that you just saw that minute hand moving backwards? Have you convinced yourself that eating that sandwich must have torn a hole in the space time continuum? Time somehow seems to draaaaaaag in the afternoons, unless you have to go back to class. Somehow the after lunch clock still moves faster than the staff at UoM.

1) Tectonic plates - The movement of tectonic plates varies, though it is typically 0–100 mm annually. That's slower than two snails, racing on the back of a tortoise, while riding shotgun with a 90 year old man, who is driving 10km/h in the fast lane. Shockingly tectonic plates still manage to be faster than the staff at the University of Malta.


I think i speak for everyone who is still awaiting their grades when I say, GET YOUR ASSES IN GEAR PLEASE!!!! What? I said please.......